Not good enough.

I certainly didn't have the greatest weekend ever. In fact, in spite of talking excessively about how happy I am here and how I'm considering staying for a longer amount of time, taking a year off teaching and attending a Korean language program at a major University here, just an hour ago I thought to myself, "I don't know if I can really live here."

I have been tremendously stressed out, mostly over ultimate frisbee. In addition, feelings of loneliness have been pretty strong for me. Not lonely in the sense that I don't have friends, because those I certainly have, in abundance. However, I'm actually feeling lonely about not having a male in my life.

Honestly, I've spent the last 12 months really enjoying my singledom. I've had the freedom to date casually or hook-up with whomsoever I choose, both in the States and here in Korea. But for some reason, I'm beginning to feel like I'm finally looking for something different than that, or something more. And even more odd and unexpected is the strange reminiscing I've been doing over past boyfriends or flings that could have been more. And the more I think about it, the more I miss C, and the way I could tell him most anything, or the way I felt when he held me. Was our relationship healthy or good? At the end, no. But I think missing those things is normal. But, it is also a little bit stressful to be thinking, god, why can't I find someone here? Why can't those flings turn into real things?

Did I mention that having a brother who is only a year older than me and is quickly approaching his second anniversary with his wife doesn't help much? I know I'm still really really really young, but I feel a mounting pressure to settle down in some way.

And, that, my friends, is what I'd like to call a bit of TMI.

In an unrelated note, I just finished planning for my week (which starts on Wednesdays). And by finished planning I mean I came up with something to do for the first half of my classes, and then I don't really know what else I'll be doing, but the first bit is gooooood stuff. From there it should be interesting.

*Note to self: request class rosters to monitor tardiness, overall class performance, and plus/minus points.

Next week marks the start of stamp season, which is the 4 month period where students literally swamp my office in order to talk to me to earn stamps galore on their papers. One sentence = one stamp, three stamps/day maximum. And there are days when roughly 180 students would walk through my office doors to complete this three sentence chore. It is extremely stressful, but I've successfully implemented the Wednesdays off policy, which states that on Wednesdays, no students can earn stamps and Allison Teacher can actually work.

That's all here, folks. Sorry for the blah-ness of this one. I'm just not feeling the greatest these days.

xoxo,
A